It’s one day to D-day; the SONU elections of May 22nd. And while the weeks leading to it have been characteristically marked by mudslinging, voter ‘swaying’ has gone up a notch. This SONU time of year has seen campus politicos preach one redeeming Gospel message: they came so we could have soda, and soda more abundantly.
Yes, the official symbol for a Kenyan bribe is no longer the time-tested ‘Chai’- plummeting overseas prices and inefficiency at KTDA saw to it that disgruntled farmers plucked out tea bushes with others going up in smoke- literally. So it’s basically Brrrrrrr and Bamboocha time.
These weeks were marked by aspirants raiding your room with their ass-kissing entourage on an epiphanic mission to ‘get to know you’. Of course none of these well-meaning social calls would have occurred earlier in the semester because no one would have given a rat’s ass- constructively or otherwise- who you were. Isn’t life a crock? All the same you had to laugh half-heartedly at jokes with no punch lines, nod agreeably about friend requests on facebook, smile inwardly at these hawk-eyed entourage who for a higher cut would gladly play for the other team; mercenaries or hire with an unwavering loyalty to the shilling. Mercenaries who smell money like sharks smell blood.
The electioneering period, marked by flagrant voter bribery (which one may argue is in line with the nationalistic, if not humanitarian efforts of pumping money into a slumping economy), the lack of ideals, and the corruption of the whole system makes our national parliamentarians seem like sound candidates for sainthood.
But this isn’t even tragic yet. It isn’t the rabid hypocrisy that incenses me. It isn’t the Keg conspiracy- you know, the feeding of young minds with such unsavoury brew so as to dim any glimmer of logic nor the lies told with unflinching gazes. It’s this new phenomenon. This self-pontification of virtues. This churning out of Obama one liners: it’s not about me, it’s about you…Really!? I mean, just when you think you’ve seen it all we have these little demagogues (some of the candidates are curiously short-statured) chanting hope slogans. It’s depressing to see how far from the inspiration mark they fall.
They publicize their clashes with the ‘powers that be’, wear these incidents like badges of honour. Irrefutable proof of their martyrdom. SONU operates on a budget of about 39million. It has no budgetary oversight body which makes misappropriation the only ‘politically correct’ thing to do. The SONU constitution might just be, save for the real owners of Mobitelea, the most jealously guarded secret in Kenya.
A few bleeding hearts swear to rectify this sorry state of affairs once elected…but I’m hardly holding my breathe. Campus politics operates in a very narrow field. Firstly, the pernicious class wars between parallel students and regular students- wealth versus merit some say. It’s age –old tension bursting at the seams and worsened by shortage of amenities, primarily bed-space. Tribe, believe it or not! Every tribal grouping , save for the Ogiek and Dorobo, have associations from which one of ‘their own’ enjoys frenzied and unsolicited support.
‘ Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers’: Tennyson. You can’t take the village out of the man, eh?
And lastly, money. It accords you a certain comparative advantage. Who controls the on-campus businesses is always a political affair. Do you know someone who knows someone? So it is that campus bureaus rightly belonging to the needy students are owned and managed by student leaders- illegally might I add. SONU is high stakes. It’s a stepping stone. A promise that if you amass as much student funds as you can chiefly from the bursary pool that should be rightly awarded to the deserving, you will be handed the keys to the kingdom- the Kenyan coffers.
That’s why there’s an ODM and PNU faction. That’s why Ruto and or Biwott, so rumour has it, are funding one Nickson Korir who is vying for the post of SONU secretary general. That’s why aspirants are churning out cash faster than ATMs on crack. And why Coca-Cola is enjoying a bumper harvest of sorts. Saturday the 16th was the designated day for nomination paper submission. Motorists on parklands road can attest to this.
Things headed South but not on a large scale. What’s with University students and this seemingly endless fascination with the roads? Come Friday every serious contender will have prepared adequately- bribed the clerks, bribed the voters and mudslinged as though his very life depended on it.
There are already some aspirants who have been tied to the Mungiki sect by the rumour mill- which for the record is having a field day. The not so serious contenders stick to their ideals and live on a prayer; the outcome is almost always invariably disastrous. They have one year to impress me. Ten to one they won’t. Who ever heard of a politician being worth his salt?
‘Soda keeps you relevant,’ one told me.
Can I get a Brrrrrrrr?
May 21, 2009 at 5:36 am
no paragraphs! useless university student
May 22, 2009 at 10:12 am
Ngaruiya Vs Osiany…is it me or are Kenyan polls becoming tiresomely predictable? Enough said.
It’s polling day and all bets are officially off. All the candidates are whizzing, looking wrecked in their pin-stripped suits and power ties, the voters who have to date been playing all sides of this multi-faceted fence and drinking everyone’s soda are unsure where exactly their loyalties lie. Soda, much like love, complicates relationships. And of course modulism (the clash between the parallel and regular students) is making a showing…albeit a late one. Things are definately heating up! Remember, it’s not voting day unless some part of you is purple. And I’m not talking fingers.